Total Security Solutions, Inc.

Total Security Solutions, Inc.
by John Forster
© 2010 Limousine Music Co. (ASCAP)

It's hard to fight a war
You lack the soldiers for
And drafting them is sure to cause a stink.
So we're the ones to call
To staff your little brawl.
Total Security Solutions, Inc.
Our highly trained brigades
Have rockets and grenades,
We're battle-hardened vets who never blink.
Don't hire amateurs
To waterboard your prisoners,
Total Security Solutions, Inc.

War is too important to leave to the Reserves
Who wet their pants as they advance
Or vomit from the nerves.
We'll set you up with pros
Who understand their foes,
Who know first-hand how sociopaths think.
Just tell us who to kill
And where to send the bill.
From Total Security Solutions, Inc.

Sit down with our strategists,
They are there to help you find solutions.
To overcome all obstacles:
Geneva Conventions, U.S. Constitutions.

We'll help you play the game,
Discretion is our middle name.
Who signs our checks we'll never ever share.
Just put us on your books
As body guards and cooks,
Congress won't even know we're there.

Unless of course we screw up
And pull a Ruby Ridge,
Drop a bomb on someone's Mom
Or strafe an orphanage.
But when our “shock and awe”
Is inconsistent with the law
Let’s let it go, dismiss it with a wink.
Remember war is hell, even for the personnel
Of Total Security Solutions, Inc.
We're not just foreign ops.
No, we also make terrific cops
To tazer thugs and drag 'em to the clink.
Make everyone feel good,
Let us patrol your neighborhood.
Total Security Solutions, Inc.

'Cause terrorists are everywhere,
They’re not just in Iraq.
They're in Bayonne and San Antone
And someone's gotta cut 'em back.
Hey, while we're in the swing
Let's outsource everything,
The FBI, the CIA, the DOJ, the kitchen sink.
Then you can all relax,
Knowing that your income tax
Is going to pay the maniacs
Of Total Security Solutions, Inc.

This song appears on Tom Chapin's Broadsides CD.

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