The Ghost Of Bleak House

The Ghost Of Bleak House
Lyrics by John Forster
Music by Charles Gounod & John Forster
© 1992 Limousine Music Co. (ASCAP)

It sits at the edge of town,
All creaky and tumble-down.
An empty house, a scary house,
A truly haunted and horrible house.
They say there’s a ghost within,
A screamer with purple skin.
Who bangs and booms
And roams the rooms in a frenzy
And I am the Ghost of Bleak House.

I’ve lived alone in Bleak House 225 years,
Alone amid the cobwebs
And dusty chandeliers.
Wait a minute. What’s this?
A moving van’s coming up the drive.
A family full of kids arrive.
They’re getting out, they’re coming in,
Unpacking cartons and furniture.
This house is my private space.
I’m not gonna share the place.
I’ll howl and moan
And clank and groan in a frenzy
And scare ’em away from Bleak House.
Hahahaha. (Moan.)
LEAVE THIS HOUSE AT ONCE!
Aunt Bess: Oh Dear,
The piano’s playing all by itself!
Ghost: Get out! Get out! Get out, you kids.
Don’t just stand there in the hall!

Billy: Butch, did you see it?
Butch: Yeah. You see it Billy?
Billy: YEAH!
Kids: What was it? A ghost? A ghoul?
Whatever it was, it’s cool.
Let’s search the house and track it down,
This terrific, incredible ghost of Bleak House.
Billy: Ben, search the secret passage.
Butchie, go look in the attic tower.
Baby Gail, you check out the basement.
Baby Gail: Okay.
Billy: Oh, and Baby Gail…
Baby Gail: What?
Billy: Be careful.
Baby Gail: Okay. Gee, it’s dark down here.
Hellooooh. Oh Ghooost. Where are you?
Ghost: LEAVE THIS HOUSE!
Baby Gail: But why?
Ghost: This is my house!
Baby Gail: It’s our house too.
Ghost: I’ve lived alone in Bleak House
225 years. I’m not about to stand for
A herd of mouseketeers.
Baby Gail: Bleak House has so many rooms,
You can’t live everywhere.
If you’re 225 you’re old enough to share.
Ghost: Share? You want me to share?
Ghosts don’t share!
Baby Gail: You’re a very cranky ghost.
You need some company.
And luckily you’ve now got Butch
And Billy and Ben and me.
Ghost: Who?
Baby Gail: Hey guys! Come here.
I’ve found the ghost.
Kids: Wow! All right! Awesome!
Billy: Hi. I’m Billy.
Ben: And I’m Ben.
Butch: Yo. I’m Butchie. Who are you?
Ghost: I am the late Josiah Bleak.
Baby Gail: So how ’bout a game of hide-and-seek?
Ghost: Hide-and-seek?
Kids: Not it. Not it. Not it. Not it.
Baby Gail: You’re it Bleaky.
Ghost: But… But…
Baby Gail: You have to start counting.
Ghost: Oh. 1… 2… 3… 4... 5...
Kids: It sits at the edge of town.
We’ve painted it pink and brown.
And night or day we get to play with our
Very own personal Ghost of Bleak House.
Ghost: 97… 98… 99… 100. Ready or not!
Here I come!

This song appears on Tom Chapin's Billy The Squid CD.

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