Martha & Oprah

Martha & Oprah
by Michael Mark & Tom Chapin
© 2000 HCD Music & The Last Music Co. (ASCAP)

Once every month
They arrive on our doorstep:
Our stalwart old standby, our glossy new pal.
One for to rescue our houses and gardens,
The other to boost our morale.

When we feel the need to make
Quail quesadillas,
We’ve long had an ally to show us the way.
And now when we’re feeling
A little despondent
There’s a new magazine come
To perk up our day.
How did we live before Martha and Oprah?
Our lives so untidy, no courage to dream.
Barely surviving the slippery slope-rah
Of pie crust unflaky and low self esteem.

When our linens need lightening,
Our teacups need brightening,
Our Nantucket cottage has lost it’s appeal,
From dandelion pancakes to pretty piñatas,
We’ve learned to consult
The High Priestess of Teal.

Now Oprah has opened
A whole new dimension;
She dares us to dream, to plan and to think.
And while "O" costs a bundle,
With pages of ad-space,
It’s cheaper by far than a shrink.
Martha…
Gives tips about pansies and posies,
Oprah…
Can help us to cure our neuroses…

How did we live before Martha and Oprah?
Ms. Outside, Ms. Inside,
The yin and the yang.
Two Superwomen
Who help us to cope-rah,
Unlocking all mysteries
And giving new hope-rah
That even we mortals
At the end of our rope-rah
Can create a new life
And a first-rate meringue.

This song appears on Tom Chapin's Common Ground CD.

Return to Home Page

Send comments to info@tomchapin.com