Don't Try It On Me

Don't Try It On Me
by Michael Mark & Tom Chapin
© 2011 HCD Music & The Last Music Co. (ASCAP)

Dinnertime, I can hardly wait
As I run to the table,
What's that on my plate?
I hope that there's something
That I recognize,
Dinnertime is no time for surprise.

Ah good, that's chicken,
And that looks like peas,
But what's this
That looks like an elephant sneeze?
"It's potatoes au gratin, a new recipe."
Mom says,
"Try it, you'll like it, just try it, you'll see."
Try it, you'll like it. I've heard that before.
I just want to eat. I don't want to explore.
Try it, you'll like it. Try it, you'll see.
You can go ahead and try it,
Just don't try it on me.

My Mom uses the kitchen
Like some mad scientist,
The stuff she calls food
Makes a frightening list.
She cooks capers and curry
And Dungeness crab.
She says, "Try it, you'll like it."
What am I, a rat in a lab?

Now, I tried ratatouille, I tried couscous.
I tried calamari and baba ghanoush,
Please give me something that I recognize,
The dinner table is no place for surprise.
Try it, you'll like it. Hey, this tastes okay.
Then I sneak it to the dog
When Mom's looking away.
Otis takes a sniff
And looks at me suspiciously.
He says, "You go ahead and try it,
Just don't try it on me."

Maybe someday I'll cook up dinner my way,
Maybe I'll surprise Mom on Mother's Day
With a grilled cheese sandwich,
A side of pizza and fries,
A hot dog with ketchup
And two banana cream pies.
I'll plop it on her plate
And when she looks at me
I'll say, "Try it, you'll like it, you'll see."
Try it, you'll like it, it sure looks good to me.
You'll notice there's no Brussels sprouts,
Spinach, okra, asparagus, endive or broccoli.
No, I don't want it simmered,
Smoked or sauteed,
I'll pass if it's parboiled
Or poached or pureed,
I don't have to try it, I can already see.
I don't have to try it to know I don't like it,
I'm not gonna try it 'less you batter and fry it.
I won't change my diet
So PLEASE don't try it on me!

This song appears on Tom Chapin's Give PEAS A Chance CD.

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