Billy The Squid

Billy The Squid
by John Forster & Tom Chapin
© 1992 Limousine Music Co. & The Last Music Co. (ASCAP)

There are sagas of undersea outlaws
And the great soggy deeds that they did.
But the saltiest thief to come down the reef
Was the outlaw named Billy the Squid.
From the Grand Banks he’d steal sand dollars
And escape on his seahorse named Sid.
He took from the selfish
And gave to the shellfish
Did big-hearted Billy the Squid.

In the Pink Coral Lounge (that’s a sand bar)
Worked the former Miss Lake Champlain.
A beautiful mollusk, a real living dollusk,
Her name it was Clamity Jane.
Now this dive was as hard as a barnacle.
It was real barracuda terrain.
Where the groupers and grunts
Pulled unsavory stunts
Which was tough on poor Clamity Jane.

One night through the door swam a stranger.
To the corner he squirted and slid.
All the fish in the room
Grew as hushed as a tomb
When they saw it was Billy the Squid.
But he had not come in for a holdup,
Or for criminal personal gain.
He’d come on a mission.
He’d come there a-fishin’
For the beauteous Clamity Jane.

He said, “Clammy, I done hurt your feelings.
And I’ve caused you some pain, this I know.
But before it’s too late I’m a-gonna go straight.
Or as straight as a squid can go.”
Then he asked for her hand but she had none.
And to prove it she lifted her lid.
“Then how ’bout a foot?”
And her foot out she put.
“It’s a beauty,” said Billy the Squid.

Then he gathered her up in his tentacles.
And as into the sunset they rid.
She looked at him clamily.
“Let’s start a family.”
“Wahoo!” said Billy the Squid.
So they moved to the submarine suburbs
And when they found out
They could not have kids,
They adopted three guppies
And four dogfish puppies
And a whole bunch of clamlets and squids.

In the sagas of undersea outlaws.
And the great soggy deeds that they did.
There’s a clam who prevailed
Where the sheriff had failed
And she captured bold Billy the Squid.

This song appears on Tom Chapin's Billy The Squid CD.

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